wasps

I am terrified of wasps and I've had a few incidents concerning them which I am thankful for surviving. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? My car, for some reason used to be a breeding ground for wasps. At one point in my life..I didn't drive for about a month and the pollen levels were through the roof! After not moving your car for a month, you can only imagine how much pollen can accumulate on it. My car was basically a giant sex arena for the wasps and I feel like they were totally holding nightly wasp orgies in there or some shit. One day, I decided to drive to the store and buy some candy or some bullshit..unsuspectingly I drove off like any other day while talking on the phone. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw FOUR FUCKING WASPS ABOUT TO KILL ME!!! WTF!!! I totally panicked..swerved, screamed, cried, pooped, peed, vomited, threw my phone on the floor..everything at once! I got the fuck out of the car while it was still in motion..nearly killing myself and began to think of a plan. No plan came to mind..I was doomed. I left my car parked for about 1 hour..and they finally left..I prayed to the lord and thanked him for allowing me to survive such a brutal encounter with those MONSTERS.

The battle was not anywhere near finished. After finally getting the courage to climb back into my car..I scoped out the entire back seat area..quickly I began to see a bunch of dead wasps all over the place..when wasps die, I believe they emit some sort of scent for other wasps to come fuck up whoever killed them. Immediately I just wanted to die. I was only thinking, "How the hell am I supposed to live my life in fear!? I AM MARKED. THEY THINK I KILLED ALL THESE WASPS." Terrified, I stood as far away from the car as possible and attempted to vacuum the wasp corpses..it was a success. As soon as I was about to drive back home happily, I noticed there were WASP FUCKING NESTS INSIDE MY CAR. WTF!!! There were three in total. One in the crevice of the front passenger door, one in the crevice of the back passenger door and one behind the driver side mirror..by this point I was sweating and crying profusely. I began to doubt whether I was man enough to carry on with this miserable life filled with nothing but fear..I think I blacked out or some shit.

I believe my friend Paola Rosales was the person to hear my desperate cry and came to assist me. She knocked out those wasp nests with some sort of weapon..possibly a sword or a dagger? I can't remember..I was near death. All I remember is that she looked somewhat like this by the time the wasps had been vanquished..

MY HERO! Thanks a lot Paola. After the car had been cleared of any potential dangers..we resumed our normal lives of getting shitty.

Here's a cheeseburger I made last night..check it out..totally awesome! I should open a restaurant.