those mysterious hipster girls

How come a lot of the girls who like to support the electro/disco/whatever/Montrose scene act like they're such hot shit? It seems like all they do is stand around with a mean stare on their face and smoke cigarettes while examining their surroundings. If you decide to approach one of them, take caution because chances are they will either:

A. stare at you with their mysterious hipster powers of carelessness

B. ask you for a cigarette then walk away

C. call a random hipster guy over and start making out with him in front of you

D. vomit

Check out this girl up here..WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU ON A SAFARI EXPEDITION!? Anyways..

If any of these things have happened to you already, and you just can't seem to stop thinking about how interesting they must be..I am going to take the time out to dawn light on exactly how wonderful and delightful they really are. They seem to think that just because they dress like a homeless person and listen to all the newest and freshest unknown bands that nobody gives a fuck about, they have the right to get up on that high horse and give off the illusion that they are really actually very mysterious and interesting. I don't think so..you're not mysterious and definitely not interesting. You are probably a model right? Or a make-up artist? Maybe a writer of some sort..probably a fashion designer? You do cocaine and participate in gang rapes. You like to hang out with your stupid mysterious girlfriends all day, drink beer and smoke cigarettes and talk about how much you just don't care about anything. You buy all your clothes from resale places because you just don't wanna support anything that isn't small and local. You swallow semen. You are a vegetarian or a vegan. Your everyday diet consists of eating lettuce or a napkin with salt on it. You wear ridiculous boots. You like to ride horses naked. You like to have sex with anyone who has a mustache. Your vagina is very loose..and you could possibly have a penis. You wear glasses that don't do shit for your sight. You wear stupid hats that make you look like Bruno Mars. Your armpits are hairy..your feet are hairy..your vagina is hairy. You don't talk to anyone unless they are wearing the entire American Apparel catalog or if they are playing a song on a stupid ass acoustic guitar. You prefer to smoke cheap ass Pall Malls. You never took school seriously. You have probably had an abortion or two. Your life sucks. You don't care. You love to ride your bicycle because you don't own a car. You have many carpet stains in your apartment. Your hair smells bad. Your apartment smells bad. You have a big nose. You give bad head. You have an attitude unless we look like Mick Jagger.

Well I think that about summarizes everything you need to know. Now go talk to these wonderful and mysterious girls! Surprise them with how much you seem to know about them and their badass lifestyle.