cats

For the longest time, I've always loved the way cats live their lives. Well, not those you see on the street hissing at you with rabies..or the ones you see run over looking like some raw fajita meat. Definitely do not wanna be one of those. I wanna be a lazy ass house cat..they seem to carry on with life carefree! They don't have any real responsibility..they can be fucking bitches to their owner but they'll still be cute in the end. Fuck you if you're not a cat lover..are you saying that if my one dream of being a cat came true..you wouldn't love me!? I wanna be a fucking cat, okay? Not a lion, not a tiger..just a lazy ass house cat. Definitely not an obese one like mine though..my cat is all out of control. She doesn't move anymore..we  move her from room to room in a wheelbarrow whenever she decides it's time. If you're allergic to cats..you are gay. Cats hate you anyways. Fuck you, behalf of me and all my cat friends.

...that cat definitely beats my cat. I went to google, and this fucking cat has it's own website and claims that it is selling other cats at a reduced rate. WTF..this cat is like..a pimp cat? Selling other cats and shit. Maybe I should be a fat cat so I can pimp other cats for some cash for kitty treats. The cat in that picture looks like it just wants a cheeseburger..do cats eat cheeseburgers? I'm sure my cat or that cat would definitely eat one happily.

Aw yeah..this is a picture of me in my past life hanging out watching football on a relaxing Sunday. See, why can't I just be a fucking cat?! All they do is sit around and party all day! Fucking getting drunk, smoking weed, eating kitty treats, pooping all over the place..they're living the life. While humans have to fucking go to work, go to school, clean cat poop, feed cats, CATS RUN OUR LIVES. I need to be a cat ASAP.

Does anyone know how to transform into a cat? Life would be awesome if all I had to do all day was lounge around and chew on whatever plants I could find around the house..gosh..human life really sucks. I WANNA BE A STUPID CAT!!

Can you imagine how many gigs you would get if you were a cat DJ!? Who the hell wouldn't wanna get a stylish young cat to spin tunes at the hottest nightclubs!? Can you imagine how many girls would wanna bang you after? And you could just be like.."Hah, nah ladies..relax..I just want some tuna. Get out of my face." And nobody would fuck with you..because you're a cat.