step by step guide to partying successfully

If you are feeling lonely on this wonderful Friday night, i'm gonna try to turn that lonely frown upside down! Let's plan your Friday night right..i'm gonna teach you how to have an economically good time! First off, ask yourself what kind of alcohol you prefer..you have 3 choices:

1. Shitty beer: Miller High Life, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or..last resort, Big Flats. (Big Flats are cheap as fuck and definitely the way to go..$3 for a 6 pack!! But sometimes they are hard to find so be prepared to drive around in search of it)

2. Shitty liquor: Evan Williams (my personal favorite), Taaka, any other bottom shelf bullshit.

3. Shitty Wine/Liqueurs: Thundercat, Primetime, FourLoko

All of the choices given above are ingredients for a great night while also not fucking up your pockets..so get yourself over to a corner store or a liquor store and choose wisely! I must give you a warning though, if you are a weak ass nigga, you will vomit after drinking just about anything on that list..but hey, it's a sacrifice you must make. Plus, you don't want that fatty food you ate in your stomach anyways right!? Let it out!

I definitely recommend that you finish as much of the alcohol you purchased before you decide to hit up a bar or some social gathering. If you aren't completely shitty by the time you step through the door of the bar..you did something wrong and you definitely need to go back to step 1.

If you have done everything correctly, then you are ready to live life to the fullest! If you are drunk enough, you will probably attract the attention of all the sexy ladies! They will love you and your crazy drunk dance moves..so don't be scared to break them off a little piece. Remember to do dance moves like the running man, the robot, and maybe the one where you get on the ground and thrust your pelvis in a humping manner. Chicks dig that shit.

Remember to roll up to your destination blasting some music so everyone can hear..because you are definitely cool and everyone needs to hear it. Burn this mix and just watch all the ladies swarm around your vehicle. May the force be with you young grasshopper.

Vital for the Party mix by disco daddies

dear jordan lovers..

For a while now...i've considered Jordans to to be EXTREMELY ugly. Next time you see a homeless person in the streets..check out what shoes they're rocking..at least half the time..they will be some J's..is that the crowd you wanna belong to? This guy is your role model?



Im surprised he's not wearing some J's. Anyways..im gonna show you guys some of the most ridiculously putrid shoes on this planet. Lets begin with what I am sure people will consider "fly"..



wtf..seriously..is that supposed to look like a fucking street light? Why would anyone in their right mind wear these disgusting creations? Honestly..the only people who should be allowed to wear these should be the green, red, and yellow M&M's. Or maybe a group of people at the Gay Pride parade.



I dont even know what to say about these..looks like a variation of an orthepedic shoe mixed with maybe a piece of crap straight out of my ass. This shoe will go into the homeless people's Hall of Fame for sure. Automatic uniform.





2's are probably the UGLIEST retros out there..and its depressing because so many people wear them. I mean..if you enjoy looking like you're about to go mountain climbing or..alligator wrestling in a swamp or some shit..go ahead and rock these with PRIDE!! So stylish..sike..fuck you.



LOL..i honestly don't even understand what happened to the rest of this shoe. I don't know exactly what to say about this..monster..but it is certainly uneasy on the eyes. Is that a fucking zipper on the toe area? For what? So you can connect you jacket to it or some shit? Must be designed for homeless people EXCLUSIVELY. LOL wtf look up the monster from Silent Hill..nevermind..let me find it for you.



Check it out..if you wear those Jordans..you're basically rocking "Pyramid Head" on your feet. How nice..do your thing.



uh..dear Jordan Brand..your idea for the Jordan 2011 looks like the 2010 sketchers. Wtf..what do you need a little window on the side for?? Might as well add some lights to the bottom and turn them into some LA Streaks or whatever that shit is called. I wanna vomit..foreal. Stick a spinner where that little window is..that's the only thing that could look worse than what you already created. Looks like a fucking Transformer..



This shoe..looks like a fucking alligator or some retarded ass bullshit along those lines. Seriously repulsive..I really wish i knew how much meth the people who purchased these smoked per minute. Lol seriously..fucking crocodile shoes. I'll post a video of a python vs a crocodile from National Geographic later..looks like a python vs. this jordan shit.



...And this..sigh..i dont know what to say man. Just..look at them. WTF is that!? I dont know man..looks like some DC's or some shit..wtf seriously? People buy these at the mall..? They look like some fucking HEELYS! Yeahhh man...totally gnarly! Let me rock my Jordan Heelys...coooool! J-Heeling.


lol...before people get offended because im talking shit about their BEAST shoes..let me just say that some jordans are okay. 1's, 5's, 6's, 11's.